Clayton Valley Pumpkin Farm

October

Love the weather. Love the pumpkins. Love Halloween.





and on a different note, Rolan's longest sentence to date is 5 words. "no want to lay down!"

Too Old

My little man turns two years old tomorrow. Its hard to believe. He is getting so big, doing so much, and talking more and more every day. I was trying to teach him to say "two" when people ask "how old are you?". Instead, if you ask how hold he is, he responds "too old" (obviously i change the spelling for comedic effect). Its adorable.

We played a game the other day. It wasn't planned, it just happened. He knocked all of his books onto the floor. I saw one and said a line from the book. He went and found the exact book I was talking about. Then I started doing this for all the other books too. I had two realizations during this game.
1. my child is super smart
2. i have most of his books memorized

Grammy

I have been avoiding this blog for the last few months because thinking about writing in it brings up a sharp pain at the thought of the one person who will not be reading it. When Martha died, I had the very dark thought that the world would not be as good of a place without her in it. I try now to be thankful that I knew her, because my life is certainly brighter for it.

I had a dream about her last night. She was visiting at our house, but we all knew that she was dead. She said so herself in the dream. But she was there to see us and spend time with us. I had to show her how Rolan says "Gammy" and "Uncle Bannan" now, and she made that face.. the one where she could cry but doesn't. I kept asking her questions in the dream about how she could be there when she was dead. I was so confused. How was she there talking to us? Was she just going to disappear? And then I woke up, crying. I suppose thats like disappearing.

I miss her so much, and in so many very selfish ways. I feel the loss for Rolan. I hate to think that any more kids we have will never know her. If Clayton and I get married someday... how are we going to do that without her there? I so often feel the urge to call her, and its like tearing at a scab thats not ready to come off.

I loved hearing people talk about her at the service. I felt like I got to know sides of her that I never met. I only knew her as Martha, and Grammy. She had cancer for the majority of the time that I knew her. And I was also worried for most of that time if she liked me or not. I was so devastated when she moved to Maryland. She had helped me so much through Rolan's first few months of life that I was afraid of losing the security of having her nearby. I feel that same trepidation now. I have wonderful and helpful people in my life, but she had a maternal wisdom that I assumed would always be there as a resource. In my grieving attempt to sing her praises I am just rambling instead, so to summarize let me just say...

I miss her.

Martha Dayley

On Friday, July 24th, Rolan lost his beautiful grammy, Martha. She was such a good person, and I feel like I'm a better mother because of her.

Her service details are as follows:

Viewing: 6-8pm, Friday July 31st at Oak Park Hills Chapel funeral home, 3111 N. Main St., Walnut Creek, CA 94596


Funeral: 11am, Saturday August 1st, with additional viewing prior to services from 10 to 10:30, LDS chapel 940 Palisade Dr., Martinez, CA 94553


Graveside service and Burial: 10:30am, Monday August 3rd, Pleasant View Cemetery, Burley, Idaho, 83318




Her obituary will run in the Contra Costa Times on Wednesday, July 29th


Flowers may be sent to Oak Park Hills Chapel at the address listed above.

Getting Dressed

Its a little frustrating, but I can't help but laugh that Rolan's idea of getting dressed is 5 shirts and no pants.

East Coast Trip

oak to bwi to budget
chantel, austin, owen, soren, martha, cousins, family, hugs, kisses, jumping, playing, hitting, biting, laughing
columbia, new york city, new york, ocean city, maryland, bethany beach, delaware, washington dc
italian food, sand, beach, sparklers, beads, watermelon, settlers of catan, downpour, boardwalk and no parasailing
bus, ground zero, 9/11, battery park, statue of liberty, street performers, taxi, subway, ny pizza, times square, hard rock cafe, empire state building, souveneir shops
first state, peanuts, burgers, beach, seashells, parking meters
capital, thomas jefferson, washington monument, white house, lincoln, reflecting pool, ducks, ice cream sandwiches, pink eye
ceasar salad, family time, lesson, songs, tears, goodbyes
5am, delayed flight, bwi to atl, business class, sfo, no luggage, home